I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
