I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
