I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
