I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize