We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
