i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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