Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize