You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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