My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
