So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
