i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
