who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
