For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize