kristin has been a bad kristin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
