Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
