wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
