I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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