I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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