I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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