He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The beer is more important than you right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
