??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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