her vagina looked like bernie madoff
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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