I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
