Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
