so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
