You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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