okay pat passed out under dana's car
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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