That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
