My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
