What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
