I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize