Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
