I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
