Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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