She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
