they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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