tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize