Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I only lived at night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
