You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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