He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
