Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I see more hoeing in ur future
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
