you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize