Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
