my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
