If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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