Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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