My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
