Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
