My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
