Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
