Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize