Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
