You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
