Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
