I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
