this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
