either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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