i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
