I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize