yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
