my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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