I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
