There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
