it's not cheating when I paid for it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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