totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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