I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
