So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
