Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
