I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
