Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
