I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My vagina just recognized that song.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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