life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
