I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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