I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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