I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
