Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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