no, he came in my armpit
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
