id be glad to
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
