pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
