just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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