but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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