I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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