I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
