And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
