every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
