And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
