Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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