From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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