my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
