I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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