Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
