3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
