did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
