I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
