I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
