You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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