the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
