I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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