Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
