there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
