Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
