i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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