No, you can still breathe under the balls.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
