I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize