when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
