apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
