I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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