Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
