I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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