why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
