I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
