i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize