While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
