Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize