So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
