you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize